Husband Accusing Ex-Wife of Moving On Too Quickly After Divorce Slammed

Moving on is hard to do…or is it?

This was the central question in a viral post on Reddit‘s “Am I the A******?” forum, in which u/LogicalBlueberry5 shared her experience of moving on after her husband of 14 years abruptly ended their marriage. The post, which detailed the tumultuous separation, ended with the original poster (OP) asking if she was in the wrong for entering a new relationship so soon after the end of her marriage.

The post has received 13,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments so far.

The beginning of the end of the OP’s marriage happened on the couple’s 14th wedding anniversary vacation, during which her husband asked for a separation.

“He had made some female friends through school and work, and he said felt like there might be someone out there who was a better fit for him,” the OP wrote. Her husband’s reluctance to show her his phone revealed he had been engaging in “flirty” messages with multiple women.

Within days, the pair flew home, and the OP’s husband moved out. After a week, he returned, and the two attempted marriage counseling—but not to good results. He left again shortly after.

“I was devastated and even had to take time off work to process what had happened and attend individual counseling,” the OP wrote. “After four weeks, I started to feel a bit better. I went out for drinks with a group of four coworkers that live in my area and found I really enjoyed one of them…a lot…We started seeing each other a couple times a week. Quite quickly it grew into a truly amazing, loving relationship.”

Seven months into her new relationship, her ex-husband expressed a desire to reconcile, but she declined, citing a lack of trust. Her ex-husband accused her of moving on too quickly, prompting her to bring the issue to Reddit.

How long does it really take to move on?

Louisa Whitney, an accredited family mediator, told Newsweek that the time needed to heal from a breakup varies quite a bit—but it’s usually not a quick process.

“The length of time it takes to heal…is different for everyone, but most experts suggest it’s more sensible to think in terms of years rather than weeks,” Whitney said.

“Some people may want to feel they have totally gone through the grieving process before starting dating. Others may feel they never want to go there again. Other people may recognize that they haven’t yet completely processed what has happened, but they meet someone who they feel they have a connection with and they don’t want to let that go.”

While Whitney noted that time is definitely a healer, it’s important to balance the personal nature of these decisions with this fact. Ultimately, she said the OP’s movements made sense.

“This lady seems to have met someone when she wasn’t expecting to and was undergoing counseling to help support her recovery and healing, which is often a very sensible step to take to process what has happened to you and to avoid bringing your previous relationship baggage into your new relationship,” she said.

Additionally, the emotional toll of indecision in a relationship can weigh heavily on a partner—something the OP seems to have experienced quite a bit of.

“It’s not unusual that one person may have difficulty deciding if a relationship is over, but to end it and move out and then move back in,” Whitney said. “Either person has the right to decide that enough is enough and they feel disrespected, unappreciated or that a line has to be drawn.”

What did the comments say?

The Reddit community largely supported the OP, commending her for prioritizing her well-being and moving forward. Several criticized her ex-husband for his indecision and emotional unavailability, highlighting the importance of trust and respect in a relationship.

In the end, the OP’s story—and Whitney’s comments—indicate that “moving on” is a highly individual process determined by a number of factors both within and without the old relationship. But whether or not she is moving on a typical timeline, people online overwhelmingly backed the OP.

“You moved on after you were separated. He moved on while you were still together. So, what’s he mad about?” u/No_Secret_4560 wrote.

Newsweek reached out to u/LogicalBlueberry5 for comment via Reddit.